Together

The adoption process has been so incredibly challenging that we couldn't even write about it until now......Sorry for the delay...but we are on the other side....and looking back can share the ups and downs.
Our case was unusually difficult due to inconsistancies in wording on her paperwork, missing mother, details lost in translation etc.....Getting the facts correct and communicating them across all parties: Ministry of Women's Affairs, Ethiopian Court, US Embassy....and going back to the birth family at each step....this is what took so long in a developing country. Meanwhile our family waits state side, powerless, and emotional....and our soon to be child's time in an orphanage drags on.  The hardest part was the uncertainty, we are matched with her, falling in love with that face, trying to prepare, but still wondering "will we actually get to bring her home?  Is she adoptable?  Will she be stuck there alone forever?"   We would get news that our case is moving forward and become hopeful, then a punch in the gut....another delay.  Some examples:  The power is out in the translation office....Rainy season....Noone in Ethiopian court came back to work after lunch break.....internet and phones are not working today in Ethiopia.  We were missing valuable bonding time and precious emotional development and milestones with our daughter....we can never get that back.....!  We have experienced anger with the system, desperation to help her, sadness about lost time, fear of the long term affects this will have on her, just to name a few of the emotional storms over the last year. 

Our timeline was as follows (not even close to the estimated timeline initially given by the agency):

Nazret (our second referral) was referred to us on 6/28/2013
She was brought to the IAN Care Center in Addis Ababa 10/13/13
PAIR Process began 11/13/13
PAIR letter Recieved 3/13/14
Submitted to Ethiopian Court 3/20/2014
Her court date in Ethiopia 4/1/14
Our Court date in Ethiopia 5/29/14
Submitted to Embassy 7/7/14
Arrived in USA 7/11/14
 We were told about 4 months after referral and she could be home......well....13 months later we are finally together and despite the traumatic process we are thrilled!

How did we get through it?  Tears, wine, good friends & family, books, talking with other adopting families, prayer, music, exercise.

What we learned...that patience is not a strength of ours, that we don't have control and we needed to let it go! 

Best moments....first time meeting our child! Trip to Ethiopia with my hubby, getting the official court decree! Adventure to Nazret's birth place to learn more about her past. Airport reunion of our whole family and seeing the new siblings interact despite language barriers.

Photos to come!

WOW…it has been a while since we have been in touch and a lot has happened. Time for an update!

As many of you might remember, we had an adoption fundraiser on Friday, May 17^th. It was a huge success and we are so grateful to our amazing, generous and kind hearted family and friends (YOU!) for the support. We raised about $7,000 toward our adoption when everything was said and done!! This is such a huge help to cover the $28,000 estimated cost!! There is much, much more to that day though… Ironically, as we were frantically getting ready for the fundraiser that night we got a call from our adoption agency with a referral for a sibling pair from far west Ethiopia in a region called Gambela. We couldn’t believe the timing of this! Really?  A referral on the exact day of our fundraiser? After a week of talking through what seemed like the biggest decision of our lives, we said yes to the siblings and then started to program ourselves and Zander and Sienna for a new brother (4) and sister (2) to arrive.

We were extremely excited and it seemed like they were going to be the perfect addition to the family. Five weeks later came a curveball. The Adoption Agency called with some news that their mom had returned to the orphanage where she had dropped them off five months prior and picked them up. We will never know the details of how her situation had changed. One way or another she decided she wanted to raise her children. It was hard news to take because we were so emotionally invested in them but it was also great news. We were so happy that they can be raised by their mom...that is the way it should be. Their little faces will always be in our hearts and we feel so blessed that our lives crossed paths with theirs.

With little time to process and some difficult news to share with Zander and Sienna (who were talking about Wasi and Amira every day), we had barely realized what just happened when the agency called us with the next referral which we accepted immediately. That was June 28th and here we are now. We have been matched with a little girl for a little over four months.  Again, for reasons we may never know, her mother decided she wasn’t able to raise her and the orphanage became the only home she has ever known since that sad, fateful 10^th day of her life.  Her story is long, she has been stuck in the system, but timing was perfect to find our family.  It seems meant to be.  She was about 1 and 1/2 years old back in June when we first saw her beautiful little face and she looked so healthy. She is from Mekelle, which is in the northernmost area of Ethiopia, near the Eritrean border.  With cautious enthusiasm we wait.

It is such a paradox in our adoption journey how there is such a deep need to mourn what these children have been through, with no power whatsoever to control their destiny and the harsh impact of poverty on their lives. It is impossible for us to fathom how a mother can make a conscious choice to put her child in an orphanage in hopes that another family will find them and provide them a better life. This kind of desperation, or perhaps courage and strength, is impossible to understand and can’t be fully captured in the written word. On the other hand, we are bursting at the seams with joy and excitement about enveloping her with love, family, home, opportunity, and all the wonders and blessings of our lives. What an emotional workout this is J

Fast forward to today…The process getting our little girl home has been excruciatingly slow but we are happy to share with you that things are finally moving along in the last few weeks. I would be happy to share more about all of this over a beer with any of you. The highlight of highlights in the last couple of weeks was getting a short paragraph from a Denver adoption agency staff that was in Ethiopia and had the chance to meet her. It is the first bit of information we have ever received about her personality…which sounds BIG!

Please tell the Lee's that I want to be their daughter’s god mother!! just kidding. But I love her! She gives kisses. She even kisses {one of the babies}!!!! She loves {one of the babies}. In fact, she is the bossy one in the baby room and is very sassy. She loves to sing and run around. She also is very caring. I was holding {one of the babies} and she kept coming up touching his cheek and kissing him! Just some info to share with the Lees!

My immediate response was that she sounds like the Ethiopian version of our four year old, Sienna….HA! We (including Zander) could be in big trouble with two power-house girls on our hands J

The Referral

Eleven months ago we put our armor on because we knew well from our research and talking with other adoptive families that the waiting stage is rough and not for the faint of heart. Now, after days, months and almost one year’s time, we are accustomed to the “wait”. We suppressed the emotions of excitement to prepare for it and then to endure it. We have been resilient and strong. We told ourselves to focus on the now and fully enjoy our two biological kids because eventually big change in family makeup and dynamics would come. It was only way to stay sane. Everything about this process was out of our control.

Just a short while ago, things changed. We finally got the phone call after waiting almost a year. There is only one word to describe it…surreal. There is a good dose of denial mixed in with that. The picture comes and you will never have stared at anything for so long in your life. After all the discussion and hypothetical scenarios we had tried to imagine of what could be, we were now looking at real people and if all goes well in the coming months, they will soon be joining the Lee clan!!

Here is the official announcment from our agency:

5/31/2013

Referral acceptance: Ethiopia

Wonderful news for this beautiful Friday! Congratulations to an amazing family who accepted the referral of a 2 year old girl and 4 year old boy sibling set from Ethiopia!

Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We hosted a fundraiser on 5/17/13 and it was a huge success.

Thank you to such an incredible network of friends, family and colleagues for your support and generosity. YOU are helping make this possible! We exceeded our goal and raised over $5,000!!

Waiting

We wait, and check the list movement, and wait.  We wonder when and who will join our family...boy? girl? twins? I truly believe there is a child that is meant to be a part of our family and I trust that they will find their way to us.  It is however, challenging to just let it unfold.  We have been tempted to micro manage ourselves on the wait list...hold? or let it unfold? So far, we leave it up to destiny and remain on all lists.  Timing is everything! 

Last night Mumford and Sons "I will wait for you" brought us to tears.  We have been dreaming of this and waiting for more than 3 years!  As it gets closer and feels more real, the wait feels longer.  Deep down, I know the most difficult time is yet to come, when we meet our child, and cannot yet bring them home with us....now that wait will feel like an eternity.

I am so grateful for the cheerful sounds that fill our home, busy 4 and 6 year olds....and every once in a while they stop and ask, Mom, Dad, When are we going to get our baby? Wish we knew...with big hearts and open arms, we are ready!

JOIN US...

Less than 1 month away.....get your tickets to our event 5/17/13!  We are going to raise awareness, raise funds to help orphans in Ethiopia and celebrate growing our family across oceans!

http://leeethiopiaadoption.eventbrite.com

Hope you can join us!

Fundraising event!

Save the date.....

Friday May 17th 6:30PM @ Regis University in Denver CO

  A fun event to raise awareness about international adoption and support our family in our adoption journey!

Dinner, drinks, live entertainment

Ethiopia craft sale, raffles and more!

Details about tickets to come!

Hope to see you there!